If you’ve spent any time driving a young athlete to a big game, tryout, or tournament, you’ve probably felt the tension in the car. Maybe your usually talkative child is suddenly quiet. Maybe they barely touch their breakfast. Or maybe they finally say, “I feel really nervous.”

In that moment, your child has landed (or re-landed) on Nervous Island, a place where mind chatter gets loud, and an athlete starts to believe they are the only one feeling this way. As parents, your initial instinct is often to get them off the island as quickly as possible and may say things like:

“You’re fine!”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You’ve got this!”

Those responses come from a good place. But sometimes, our athletes don’t need us to convince them that they shouldn’t be nervous. They need us to help them understand that feeling nervous is normal.

Parents can help change that story by reminding their athletes: You are not the only one who gets nervous.

Validate Before You Reassure

When your child says that they are nervous, resist the temptation to immediately talk them out of it.

Instead try:

“It makes sense that you’re nervous! This matters to you.”

“Lots of athletes feel this way before a big game.”

“You can feel nervous and still compete.”

Validation doesn’t mean making the nerves bigger. It helps take away the idea that nerves are something to be embarrassed about or something that needs to disappear before they can compete.

Nervous doesn’t mean unprepared. It means you’re human, and that you care.

Help Them Find Their Way Off the Island

The goal isn’t to eliminate nerves. It’s to help your young athlete notice them without letting them take over.

Parents can gently redirect them toward what they can control:

“What is in your control today?”

“What’s your job when you get out there?”

“How do you want to show up for your teammates?”

Maybe it’s effort. Maybe it’s communication. Maybe it’s taking a breath after a mistake. Maybe it’s simply focusing on the next play.

Share Your Own Visits

Parents can also help by talking about times they’ve visited Nervous Island themselves. This can sometime backfire … if your child thinks you are making it about you instead of them.

Try telling them about the nerves you had before a presentation, an interview, a first day at a new job, or another moment that mattered to you.

It doesn’t need to be a dramatic story. Sometimes simply hearing, “I’ve felt that way too,” can be incredibly powerful.

It reminds young athletes that nerves aren’t something that only happens to them.

Final Reminder:

Your athlete doesn’t need you to take away their nerves or find the perfect words to make them feel better. They need to know that it’s okay to feel nervous, that they’re not alone, and that they can still show up and compete even when those feelings are there. The next time your child visits Nervous Island, remember that your role isn’t to get them off the island immediately. It’s to help them recognize their nerves, find their way back to what they can control, and trust that they can navigate those feelings on their own.

Written by Maddie Wood, M.Ed., Sport Psych Consultant and Mental Health Specialist

Maddie@greenepsych.com